Below are the 14 most recent journal entries recorded in markfirman's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
5:32 pm	One of our new potential students has just complimented me on my poise, articulation and thoughtful demeanour............ ............like Data from Star Trek. I`m not sure whether she has just flattered me or served me. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
3:15 pm	I love you all today. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 31st, 2005
6:13 pm	BTW, it`s just occured to me, this isn`t an April Fools gag come early(as it turns out I did have a corker this year, but I shan`t be doing it, what with having the fear and all). I don`t normally make these sort of posts, but figured, what they hey, as I guess I`ve kept this journal off the beaten track so I could actually write what I wanted. (Comment on this)
4:04 pm	It`s not an excuse. It`s a *reason*. And in other news, those who have been paying attention will note that I have been sober for over 2/3 of 2005, but have nonetheless enjoyed the odd tipple or three in March. My body has, effectively, now issued a cease and desist order to the drinks cabinet. Hey Ho. I`d be obliged if anyone actually reading this would note that this has moved from something I was moving towards as a lifestyle choice anyway into something I no longer have a choice over. Some help may be required. I`m only human and find bad habits as hard to break as the next man. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
3:45 pm	Best if people avoid me where possible in the foreseeable future. I am alternating between bowel clenching anxiety and extreme temperament of the gob. I am not, as such, an enjoyable experience, and certainly not one that I would wish on people. This does not make me proud I hasten to add. SonVer were good mind. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
10:13 am	Having now raised the notion of Caves and power animals, someone somewhere might be interested to know that my totem has always been The Wolf. This may make sense to those who know me. Wolf/Eris are probably more or less the same thing. Not much thought went into it really, the wolf kind of sought me out. I should hope it goes without saying that this doesn`t mean my house is decorated with tacky paintings of said beast and so on. I have a totem animal, not a brain defect. I`ve only ever "gone into my cave" the once. It was part of some sort of workshop on shamanic dance and totem animals that a flatmate was running. Well, The Wolf decided this was all b*ll*cks after a few minutes and decided he`d leave the cave. And being the Wolf of course upon leaving the cave became acutely aware of other peoples power animals. All of which were, perhaps unsurprisingly given that the rest of the room were useless hippies, cute tiny things. Or, as The Wolf likes to call them, dinner. So I spent the rest of the session stalking the buggers. At the end I was delighted to hear that the person who owned up to being a Falcon or whatever bird it was that I`d spent a particular amount of time on as it seemed more of a challenge claimed that halfway through a sense of unspecified dread came over his happy clappy flying free world and he was convinced that something was after him. The Wolf of course was delighted to find out that he can access other peoples caves. So. Erm. Yeah. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
8:06 am	I shall be hanging out here for a short while, this being the LJ equivalent of pootling back into my cave to hang with my power animal! (Comment on this)
Monday, December 6th, 2004
3:02 am	I don`t come here much now, do I? This little hidey hole has served a purpose, and I daresay will serve it again in the future, but right now I seem to be succesfully incorporating this side of personality back into the evil one - a split personality would seem to have no purpose at this juncture. For anyone even vaguely interested, I`ve unlocked an important entry from earlier in the year 2 posts back, now theres no longer any real danager of an HR consultant finding it at a very incovenient time (I.e. when I`m trying to bullshit being a whole, confident person in front of them). (Comment on this)
Monday, October 18th, 2004
7:02 pm	Although I`ve got a fair few of them on the original singles, I`m still being set adrift something wonderful by 26 mixes for cash by Mr. Aphex Twin. Much less banging than Mr. Twin is capable of, theres moments of exquisite machine beauty on here. One of those albums that makes me want to fire up the sampler again. (Comment on this)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
10:30 am	It`s becoming clear to me recently that the view of myself that I`ve had for some time is very much that of the villain in someone (everyone?) elses story. I`m now well on the way to sorting out this ridiculous self image issue and ensure that my lifes tale becomes that of the hero in my own story. After all, as a great man once said, "This is not a rehearsal". It`s also becoming clear, in this instance for about the umpteeth time, that whilst The Fool and The Magician are in fact the same person, and one gets to the same place by either route, that by flitting back and forth between the two, you`re probably just heading to being smashed to pieces on the huge great cliff that sits inbetween the two paths. My general feelings here are that people tend to regard me as The Fool, and like most people, my personality is nothing if not largely composed out of subconscious desires to play the part that those around me think I should be playing. But in reality I suffer massively from hyperhead, and whilst my heart isn`t in it, the rest of my physiology seems to scream out that I should take the role of analysis and fine detail dictated by The Magician. But at what point do we choose an option that appeals to us less, because it becomes apparent that your biological birthright offers no other choice? (those not familiar with tarot symbolism can just google like everyone else for a translation of the above). All thoughts that are simultaneously clarified further and knocked into a cocked hat by subsequent realisations this weekend. Firstly - at some point in the last 8 years my choice of self medication, and indeed frequency of consumption has changed and perhaps the booze isn`t the correct one. Secondly, I`m a country boy at heart. I`ve never felt so good as returning to the forest - I had no idea how much I loved it, having only lived on the fringes, until now. I`ve known for some while that as long as I had broadband and a postcode, my retirement plans were focuseed that way, but I can now see that I really just don`t do the aspirational lifestyle, the cosmopolitan life. I`d still like to travel some more, but mostly I just want my little cottage in the foist. For the first time ever, I know with all my heart that what I want is to be in a position in life to do this, and that behaviours and attitudes must change to do so. It`s a dream, like any other, but one that seems within grasp if I go for it, and don`t mind that it`s probably a good 10-20 year plan. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 17th, 2004
3:37 pm	The Greenhaus cover of Plain Song is a thing of towering towering beauty and emotion. I feel a bit guilty that this surprises me. (Comment on this)
9:57 am	As people seem to be discovering this thanks to last nights "stunt", a statement of intent is in order. Anyone reading this, apart from Ben who is apparently psychic, has probably arrived from another journal. Said journal will continue in some form with it`s usual venality and self aggrandisment. This however is the me you`ve only seen if you`ve been paying particular attention. The man who knows that perfect moments do and can exist, and any one of them is worth a year of detritus. Watching the wind blowing through a field and being able to see the movement of individual blades of grass AND the motion of the wave simultaneously. Sat legs a dangling from a cliff watching the moon reflect in the waves crashing on the rocks and seeing raw power and beauty that just *is* and knowing no matter how hard mankind may try, we`ll never foist our manichean worldview upon it. Listening to the unscored spontaneous symphony that comes from an active railway siding in the middle of the night, tunes of perfect beauty played on an instrument unlike any other, happening with no-ones permission and intent that...if only....if only......you could notate in your head and re-create the next day. Your friends being there even when you hadn`t realised you needed them. This is a journal of introspection and flawed beauty. I shan`t be acquiring a list of subscriptions attached to this journal though don`t see a problem if people add it to theirs. (Comment on this)
Sunday, August 29th, 2004
2:25 am	I just had me a lovely day. Keywords: Mog. Kew. SonVer. Life should more or less always be like this. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 7th, 2004
1:11 am	Free at last, free at last. This is the non corporate entity. (Comment on this)